Scientists have recently developed a new energy source that is intended to power spacecraft. They did it by accident while investigating a well-known physical phenomenon: cats always land on all four paws, and a sandwich always lands butter-side down.
Cats and sandwiches
Researchers at NASA’s Philip J. Fry Space Research Center recently unveiled a prototype of a new, virtually limitless energy source that could be used in spaceflight. And it has already caused a scandal, as many human rights organizations have already called it contrary to humanitarian principles.
Although, in reality, all of this is based on the well-known cat and butter paradox. As we all know, a sandwich always lands butter-side down, and a cat always lands on its paws. The first of these phenomena is the result of the universal field of bad luck. Second, the so-called Sharikov Poligraph effect—that is, an arbitrary violation of the principle of causality—which counteracts attempts to permanently destroy the cat.
But what would happen if you tied a sandwich to a cat’s back and pushed it off the lab table? That is exactly what scientists decided to find out in a series of experiments conducted with the support of KitKat. They showed that, under certain conditions, two forces can interact, leading to unexpected results.
Dynamics of the “cat-sandwich” system
The most important finding by the scientists is that the orientation of the sandwich on the cat’s back does not affect the resulting force. The most important thing is to pet your cat before the test. That way, torque will be generated during the fall.
The system will begin to spin, and the speed of this process will increase exponentially. In the experiments, a speed of 10% of the speed of light was achieved. The dynamometers attached to the cat showed that its energy was quite comparable to that of a black hole, and after the experiment, it definitely needed to be fed.
John Sins, a well-known scientist and creator of popular science videos, commented on the situation. He pointed out that such behavior in fat-rich systems was long ago predicted in the works of the eminent Ukrainian scientist L. Poderviansky, who was the first in the world to develop a physical theory explaining how the amount of butter and its fat content affect the fluidity of existence.
Controversy surrounding the cat-sandwich engine
Actually, Sins knows what he’s talking about. Over the past few years, he has become one of the leading experts in the field of high-energy dynamics for everything white and massive, in collaboration with BRAZZERS. It was in 2023 that he and his colleagues discovered sour cream in the protoplanetary disk of the PDS 70 system. And last year, he witnessed an asteroid bearing the Ukrainian Trident flying over Shchekavytsia in Kyiv.
And now he has unveiled a new compact power source that could eventually be used to accelerate spacecraft to speeds currently beyond our reach. However, current calculations indicate that in order to transport the crew to Proxima Centauri in 14.88 Earth years, approximately 1,000 cats would be required, which would be spinning in an environment rich in dairy products at a speed so high that a special theory of relativity would be needed to describe their behavior.
However, Elon Musk has already stated that his engineers are consulting with ChatGPT on the development of a much smaller engine designed for travel to Mars. However, at the same time, the developers faced opposition from human rights organizations, which accused the researchers of exploiting and inhumane treatment of higher forms of life.
In particular, the League for the Liberation of Cats from Cardboard Boxes (which, admittedly, has a notorious reputation as eco-terrorists) has called for funding to be allocated for a roundtable discussion on whether cats identify themselves as perpetual motion machines. Representatives of the organization stated that, as a sign of protest, they had already pissed on the doors of the Philip J. Fry Space Research Center, and now they are threatening to do the same to Elon Musk’s shoes.
